I waited impatiently in the doctor’s office, trying to find a comfortable position that decreased the burning in my lower body after driving an hour to get there. After what seemed like forever, the orthopedic surgeon entered the room and said, “Mrs. Roland, I’ve looked at your MRIs and X-rays. Your symptoms don’t align with your imaging. You don’t need back surgery—there’s something else going on.” I’m referring you to get some more blood work, follow up with a rheumatologist, and see a neurologist.
That appointment was 13 months ago. Since then, I’ve seen the rheumatologist, multiple neurologists, a vascular surgeon, and a pain specialist. I’ve had six cortisone injections in various locations to identify the cause of the burning, been on half a dozen medications to find one with the fewest side effects, and had four more MRI’s of my spine, which doctors used to conclude that the nerve pain wasn’t coming from my back.
In October of 2018, I herniated a disk in my spine and had back pain combined with burning in my feet that gradually increased over time. Within a few months, the pain traveled up my legs and was so intense that I couldn’t stand for even ten minutes. I was put on bed rest for three months and told not to drive, bend over, exercise, or lift anything more than ten pounds. I used a mechanical arm to empty the washing machine and had to arrange for my husband and friends to drive my three kids around. After that, my weeks were full of physical therapy, and eventually, my back pain subsided, but the burning sensation in my legs and feet did not.
Hearing the surgeon say the pain wasn’t from my back that day came as a shock. “It wouldn’t start in your feet and travel up your legs,” he told me. How had no other doctor in the past year noticed this?
The blood work he ordered came back normal, like the tests and lab work that preceded it, and I learned about the disappointment of “no news” and the anxiety that ensues we when don’t receive answers. I learned what it’s like to be ushered into one doctor’s office after another, be treated like a number, and wonder if I’m going crazy. I learned what it’s like to feel a lack of control like there’s little I can do to fix things. In lobbies filled with people twice my age, I felt out of place and utterly discouraged.
Pain often becomes a window for shame to enter, and this was true for me. I was a health coach that was not well. A personal trainer who could not run. A writer who couldn’t sit at the computer without being so uncomfortable that I began to question whether God had truly called me to this. How did I, someone previously in great health who ate well and exercised regularly, end up here? Following one of the steroid injections, a nurse commented that I was the “fittest patient” she’d ever seen in their practice. “I don’t understand why you’re not getting any better,” she told me.
That made two of us.
Over the past couple of years, chronic pain and anxiety became strongholds in my life. I’ve lost many hours worrying about my health and what the future holds instead of taking hold of the divine weapons God gives us to experience peace, hope, and joy despite difficult circumstances. My hope is that this post will help you bypass the strongholds you may be experiencing so you can walk toward healing and wholeness in Christ.
The Effects of Physical & Emotional Pain
The effects of physical and emotional pain are many, including anger, fear, grief, doubt, feelings of worthlessness, depression, and anxiety. We see all of these played out in the Bible. Take Job, who lost virtually everything – his money, health, livestock, even his children. Job was so angry that he curses the day he was born (Job 3:1). He doubts God’s goodness when He accuses him of being unjust (Job 9:22-24). He was plagued by fear and distress, as shown when he cries out, “What I was afraid of has come upon me. What filled me with fear has happened. I am not at rest, and I am not quiet. I have no rest, but only trouble” (Job 3:25-26 NLV). Job brings his grief to God and we witness the turmoil that results when we try to make sense of pain through our limited worldview.
In Psalm 38:4-8, David laments about his battle with both physical and emotional pain when he writes, “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.” Here David feels helpless, but, like Job, He brings his complaints to God.
Then there’s Joseph, the favored son with big dreams who literally finds himself in a pit, sold into slavery, and imprisoned. Though he is betrayed, unjustly accused, isolated, and forgotten, he continues to pray and God brings his dreams to fruition in His perfect timing.
Pain surfaces an awareness of our own brokenness, which is difficult for us to bear. It disrupts our desire for comfort and ease, two things our culture puts up on a pedestal. And it leads us to feel like reduced versions of ourselves–helpless and insufficient compared to the life we once led or wish we had. But, here’s the good news: “It’s possible for your pain to propel you to a place of wholeness rather than defeat.” This is a quote from Tim Tebow, Professional Baseball Player for the New York Mets, Former NFL Quarterback, broadcaster & author. Wholeness–a state of well-being in body, soul, and spirit–was God’s original design for humanity before the fall and it is His greatest desire for us today.
As I was writing this, God revealed something that has been pivotal for me to break free from strongholds and move toward wholeness. Here’s it is: Pain wasn’t the stronghold, nor was it something I could control. The way I was thinking about pain was the stronghold.
Anxiety is rooted in fear, which exists in thoughts about our future. Worrying about what could happen doesn’t change the outcome, but it does distract us from experiencing the present. The enemy wants to use worry and fear to paralyze us from moving forward. But, we have a choice. We can choose to pivot from allowing pain to lead us down a regrettable path toward anxiety and defeat to instead inviting it to propel us toward wholeness.
I’m going to briefly describe 5 ways pain can propel us toward wholeness rather than paralyze us.
1. Rather than renounce our faith, pain invites us to RECLAIM GOD’S PROMISES.
From the time we are young children, we are taught that God is a good, loving Father, yet as we age many find this harder to believe. The weight of our sin may make us feel unworthy of His love and the suffering we witness can cause us to question God’s goodness. Deep down, we may believe that God is good, but doubt that He is good to us or that His freedom and forgiveness are within our reach. Perhaps we believe He is a loving father, but feel alone, forgotten, or forsaken.
In The Reason for God, Tim Keller writes, “If we ask the question, “Why does God allow evil and suffering to continue?” and we look at the cross of Jesus, we still do not know what the answer is. However, now we know what the answer isn’t. It can’t be that He doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he is indifferent or detached from our condition. God takes our misery and suffering so seriously that he was willing to take it on himself.”
In Romans 8:28, Paul writes “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God is not saying that only good things will happen to us; he’s saying He will work all things for our good and his purpose. God’s purpose for us is to become more like Jesus – blameless and pure in a warped and crooked generation (Phil 2:15). God can use pain to get our attention, bring us closer to Him, and chisel us into the likeness of His Son. His goal is for us to be transformed and our suffering is God’s greatest shaping tool to refine us for His purpose.
2. Rather than question God, Pain invites us to REEXAMINE OURSELVES AND OUR SIN.
This is not to say our pain is a punishment for sin. There are a number of stories in the Bible, such as where Jesus heals the blind man (John 9:3), where pain was allowed so that the works of God might be displayed. It was because of his disability, not in spite of it, that God’s will was achieved.
There are many reasons we go through pain, but from my experience, I have found pain reveals false idols, uncovers misconceptions, and helps us reestablish our identity in Christ.
Present-day idols aren’t golden calves or bronze statues–they are our careers, families, achievement, success, or anything else we’ve given an inappropriate position of power in our lives. Adjusting to new limitations caused by pain showed me I was still giving productivity, self-sufficiency, and service too much weight in my worth. This was evident all the times I pushed through the pain to keep “producing” because I didn’t want to feel like a failure.
Pain provides us with an opportunity to re-anchor our identity in Christ and detach ourselves from worldly desires. My unhealthy obsession for seeking answers on Google required me to set boundaries on my Internet use and intentionally turn outward–less focus on self, not in a neglectful way, but in a way that shifted my thoughts back to God’s larger story instead of my internal difficulties. Some ways I have done this are pursuing passions that serve others, sharing my testimony, and engaging in ministry. These activities help keep my pain in proper perspective and remind me that, in God’s story, the dark threads of the tapestry (i.e. pain and suffering) are needed as much as the gold, brightly colored ones. They all are being woven together by God to create something beautiful–a picture of transformation toward Christlikeness and a tapestry of wholeness.
As I spend time with God in prayer, invite Him to speak to me through His Word, and ask Him to “search my heart for any offensive way in me,” God reveals things I’ve allowed to steal my focus off of Him and His Word (Psalm 139:23-24). These revelations are not meant to bring condemnation, but confession–opening the door to repentance so I can turn back to God.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
A word often overlooked in this passage is “now.” Today, in this very moment, before we “clean ourselves up,” or become blameless and pure, God loves us, accepts us, and extends His grace.
Rather than be a window for shame or the faulty belief that we just need to have more faith, pain can serve as a divine invitation to partner with God and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. Suffering does not diminish our effectiveness as agents of change; it amplifies it because in our weakness the glory of God is revealed. Paul asked God to remove the thorn in his flesh three times because he believed it interfered with his ability to fulfill his calling, but God said “no” because He knew it would require Paul to rely on Him. It was through God’s strength and Paul’s sufficiency in Christ that he was able to fulfill his purpose. The same is true for me and you.
3. Pain invites us to REMEMBER WHAT WE STILL HAVE–to shift our focus from what we’ve lost to what’s left.
When faced with pain, it’s normal to grieve the life we once knew before the incident, diagnosis, or loss occurred. In the beginning, our minds might be dominated by thoughts of the past and reminders of how things used to dampen our spirits. But at some point, in order to not crash, we have to stop looking in the rear-view mirror and instead set our gaze on what lies ahead.
The front page of my website is a picture of me jumping three feet in the air in front of the Inner Harbor, my arms outstretched and a huge smile across my face. My daughter took it after a trip to the science center and my husband suggested I use it instead of the professional photos I had taken because they “looked more like me.” I felt happy, energetic, and alive!
In the past two years, my then 39-year-old body feels like it’s become one of a seventy-year-old. I am tired and weary from both fighting the pain and the side effects of the medication. Could God still take my pain away so I can move like that again? Perhaps, but I can’t count on that or wait for it to move forward. What I can count on is that whenever God takes away He gives us something better in its place. That gives me reason to celebrate.
I may be less comfortable, but I am more compassionate. I am able to empathize with others in pain from a place of greater understanding and speak words of truth and life into them. In periods of suffering, when the pain is too great to sleep, drive, or sit at the computer to write, I experience the fullness of God’s grace. And I have a profound sense of gratitude for things I once took for granted.
4. Pain invites us to RE-EVALUATE WHAT’S IMPORTANT.
It is said that there are three things in life that are eternal—the Word of God, the love of God, and the soul of man. We are called to invest our time in these things by meditating on the Truth of scripture, connecting with and sharing God’s love with others, and using our gifts to build up the Body of Christ. Pain imposes limitations that require us to let the less important things go.
As I wait for a skin biopsy to confirm or refute my doctor’s diagnosis of small fiber peripheral neuropathy, I am inspired by the story of Joseph and his ability to wait expectantly. When he encountered difficult circumstances, he could have easily concluded that God abandoned him, but God had a plan all along. He knew that Joseph had to go through the fire first so his character could be refined and he could fulfill the high calling God had for him. As it turns out, God’s timing was perfect because Joseph’s release from prison occurred at exactly the right time for him to save His people, including his own family, and fulfill God’s promise to Abraham. Note that in all three examples we examined today (Job, David, and Joseph) their ability to break free from strongholds, find peace in the midst of their pain, and move forward toward wholeness began with an encounter with God.
Turn toward God and community in your pain. Embrace vulnerability. When we process pain correctly, through prayer, community, and trust in God’s timing, He gives us treasures in the darkness – unexpected peace and hope in painful places of suffering (Isaiah 45:3).
5. Pain invites us to REAFFIRM OUR HOPE AND TRUST IN THE LORD.
Whatever physical or emotional pain you’re struggling with today, you may be wondering how God could possibly bring good from it. Consider this:
If God can take the death of our Savior and bring forth the greatest miracle of all time, how much more is He able to take our pain and turn it into something good?
We run from discomfort, but discomfort is a catalyst for growth. It requires us to let down our walls of self-protection and depend instead on the divine weapons of God.
Suffering plays a critical role in our spiritual walk, shaping our character and making us whole. Pain makes us more humble, resilient, and requires us to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.
As the song Way Maker goes, even when we don’t see it or feel it, God is working! When we plant our feet on the solid ground of our faith and stand firm with God on the soil of our life, He gives us roots to weather the storms and the courage to persevere through adversity!
Perhaps the strength you gain as you persevere will bring strength and healing to someone else. Perhaps healing doesn’t look like what you had thought. Maybe God is healing your heart, union with Him, or relationships with others. I have seen firsthand how God has used my pain to strengthen my relationship with family members, draw me closer to Christ, and open new opportunities to minister.
I have found that healing is not necessarily physical healing, but hope. Not necessarily removal of suffering, but grace in the midst of it. Not destruction of the enemy, but weapons to demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God (2 Cor 10:5), including the belt of truth, shield of faith, and helmet of salvation. Our weaknesses also help shape our witness to the world–anybody can have peace and joy when life is going well. But, it takes God’s power to endure suffering, the Holy Spirit to display joy, and true spiritual maturity to invite our deepest hurts to become our greatest ministry. When we use our pain to help others, it is not wasted. And, I don’t know about you, but I’d trade physical healing for spiritual wholeness any day.
Whatever it looks like for you, we can trust that healing will come. Should God choose to wait until the day He brings us home to bring it to completion, He is still good. He is still faithful. We can cling to Him for the strength we need and have peace of mind in knowing He is with us. We can praise Him for His promise of restoration and a new perspective on pain that propels us toward wholeness.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Jen Roland
Featured Image by unknownuserpanama from Pixabay
