Repeating the Past?
Becoming aware of and acknowledging the unhealthy patterns you tend to repeat will give you a starting point to deal with them.
Becoming aware of and acknowledging the unhealthy patterns you tend to repeat will give you a starting point to deal with them.
Make a habit of coming clean with your spouse and others about your failures.
What would happen if we quit worrying so much about our own feelings and instead set out to protect our spouses’ feelings?
There are many significant ways you can improve your marriage without your spouse’s direct cooperation.
Realize that Christ is the One who waits for you to yield this mess to Him.
Whenever we feel we’re unable to escape an overwhelmingly frustrating or oppressive situation, depression has a tendency to develop.
It’s sort of like the old saying, “You can’t unring that bell.”
When we resist positive change and embrace the status quo, we are trying to manage our world.
When I focus on getting my spouse to change, rather than choosing to change myself, what I end up doing is manipulating him.
Without margin, we will be existing or simply “surviving,” rather than really living or thriving.
Instead of making your temper your god, turn to the One true God to help you calm the anger that surges.
We can easily become consumed with anger toward our spouses because we retrace the hurt over and over in our brains.
Keep in mind that there are many factors for why your spouse (or yourself, for that matter) does what he/she does.
You trust that God will protect you and provide for your needs in the face of rejection from your spouse.
I had chosen this helpless stance as surely as I chose what outfit I wanted to wear each day or the breakfast that I wanted to eat.
God uses the paradoxical “dying to self for the greater good” in powerful and healing ways in marriage.
It was then that I realized that my father was a flawed, skin and bones creature of dust … just as I was and am.
Sometimes it’s our view of God that creates friction and distance in a marriage.
If you truly understand the gravity of His sacrifice, you’ll be quick to extend that same forgiveness to your spouse.
There are some risks that come with being authentic.
Shame comes to stay and keeps the deception firmly in place.
I know for me there are times when my husband doesn’t inspire me to love him in a dying-to-self kind of way, nor do I inspire him—far from it!
I hope that you aren’t becoming discouraged by the hardness you are facing.
I knew that my pride was the only thing keeping me from apologizing.
The faces and places may be different, but the situations and problems are still the same.
Life will always be a mixed bag of blessings and curses.
God commands us to “… always protect, always trust, always hope …” in the ones we love.
God redeems not only the messes in my marriage but also the mess that I am.
Becoming in tune with how you feel will help you tune into other’s feelings, including your spouse’s.
When we do something new, it creates new pathways in our brains, helping us to banish boredom and invite exhilaration into our relationships and lives.
It’s not your job to convince your spouse of his guilt.
Any pain I experience in life directly affects not just my attitude but all of my relationships, including and especially my marriage.
Remember, you cannot change another person with boundaries. You can only influence or inspire that person to change.
He needs to be wooed by your kind interest in him and your willingness to listen.
If there’s a passion in your life that pulls you away from the passion you should have for your spouse, it needs to be surrendered or brought back into balance.
I want to learn to serve my husband with the same grace and forgiveness that my Savior showed and still shows to you and me today.
I had to admit my fault, my sins, my irritating humanness.
Finding my voice and helping others find theirs is so important to living with purpose and truly connecting positively with those we love.
I’m committed to challenging my negative inner voice with God’s truth.
God not only notices our sacrifice, but he also blesses our willingness to experience and express painful love to our spouses.
Don’t interrupt the flow of the parental moment, and remain a united front with your spouse in times of correction.
We need to make sure our spouse knows we still find him or her attractive.
When I was a child, my teenage sister served as my mother’s source of emotional support and validation.
Whenever two imperfect people with the baggage of their personalities and pasts come together, there are bound to be some major meltdowns.
Timing is key to handling conflict in a healthy and responsible way.
As a couple, we need to have the policy of being for each other not against one another.
There’s a hidden bonus in remembering and accepting the fact that our spouse is human.
Healing takes place as we take ownership of our faults and sins.
Just as we are committed to love our spouses for a lifetime, we need to commit to the task of forgiveness for a lifetime.
My husband, Gary, and I have learned to turn from fighting each other to fighting the problem instead.
Often vicious cycles begin because people are reacting rather than responding.
Without leadership, any organization, including the family, will fracture and degenerate into ineffectiveness at best, and conflict and total breakdown at worst.
Picture Jesus on the receiving end of every act and attitude of grace you extend to your spouse!
Instead of jumping into defensive mode, drop your defenses and trust God to bind your marital wounds. He’s never failed me when I’ve given it over to Him.
Without intentionally scheduling times of rest in our lives and families, our marriages will suffer.
We make decisions every day that can send our marriages and families into crisis.
Fighting to get your own way in marriage more than you give often reveals laziness in the marriage that, in time, can kill love.
Sometimes finding out my true feelings and motivations, is all it takes for me or my husband to want to change.
The moment we begin to view ourselves as victims, we lose sight of our contribution to the problem.
As far as my anger, this again can be traced right back to lack of faith in God.
I choose to trust God no matter what choices someone else makes.
It might feel as if the Lord has said no to your request when He is actually saying “yes” to something harder yet so much better for all involved.
If we allow the bad behavior of someone else to change ours, then we’ve lost control—not gained it.
Let God examine your heart so that you don’t stay in denial nor block the healing He wants and can do in your heart, marriage, and life!
Timing is key to handling conflict in a healthy and responsible way.
When we rely on the “alive and active” Word, the Spirit leads us toward Christ’s truth.
I’m sure my husband doesn’t really want to be “tolerated”—no matter how difficult his habit may be to live with.
The Lord gave me steps to take in faith as I learn to wait on Him during circumstances and concerns that remain difficult and confusing.
If we hold on to anything in our hearts more than we hold on to God, we are making ourselves prisoners in a dungeon with an open door!
When I offered my husband an honest and humble admission, I felt him moving toward me.
If you allow your marriage to be infiltrated by your parents, then you are inviting division into your marriage.
The negative thoughts, like weeds, began to take over and warp my view of reality. I began to think my husband was the biggest villain of all time.
I had many years and lessons ahead that God wanted to use to teach me and my hubby about finding that elusive middle ground in conflict.
In marriage, we tend to follow the example of how our parents related and problem-solved.
For the longest time, I tried to transform my husband into a wonderful girlfriend that loves to chat with me for hours.
“The System” was a strategy that would get you what you wanted without uttering a word.
God worked with the small amount of willingness I gave Him at each juncture.
We are fallen sons of Adam wedded to fallen daughters of Eve, and even the best of marriages are a glory-war.
Committing to going debt-free has been very tough at times.
It seems like godly wisdom goes right out the window when we begin to argue with our mates.
We did not make a habit of praying together before starting (or ending) our day.
I’m determined to be faithful to Him because I trust that He is always faithful to me.
Pain lives defiantly alongside Joy at every turn in life.
Justifying is just a fancy word for making an excuse when there is no excuse.
When you don’t listen well at the outset, it’s what I call “premature interpretation” and always leads to frustration for both parties!
He’s the most important person in our lives, deserving of our full, undivided attention each day.
As for me, my pursuit of God has been incredibly important to the health of my marriage and connection to my spouse.
I might be right in my opinions, but when I condescendingly try to put my husband in his place, I’m DEAD wrong in my approach!
It’s really not fair to blame your spouse when he/she falls for a lie. The fair response is to blame the father of lies.
Without a clear sense and integration of your identity in Christ, you will CONSTANTLY struggle to manage the messes of life and marriage.
Validation can be so crucial and extremely clarifying. Sometimes a conflict
can be avoided by simply validating what your spouse has said.
When your emotions are in turmoil, you will struggle to see how you’re acting or what the truth of your situation is.
When I bring my complaints to God, He gives me so much more perspective about my part in every problem.
I really wish that humility could be an actual piece of “clothing”…that I could put on and wear for all to see.
Experts say it takes at least 21, but more like 42 days, to establish a habit.
If you’ve given yourself permission to overuse or misuse your phone, then you are letting it master and control you.
If this was all it amounted to—simply blessing others—then it might not be such a trap.
This is not simply about getting into a good sleep pattern or finding sleep-aids that guarantee a restful night’s sleep.
Like many young mothers, I gave in to the temptation to let my affection and concern for my children override my affection and concern for my spouse.
Our television viewing plays a huge role in shaping our attitudes and practices in life and marriage!