Collecting the weekly shopping for our household having picked up our son from school, a couple of things happened that were disappointing for him. He wanted Lego. He hadn’t received any in ages.
“Dad, it’s either a yes or a no,” he said, expecting a yes.“No,” I said. At that moment, I seriously wondered what his response would be. The sky didn’t fall in. He just sat there and pondered for a moment in the backseat, clearly disappointed.
We arrived at the shops, got the things we needed, and on the way out there was this little toy for what we thought was $2.50.“Okay, you can grab it,” I said. We went through the checkout and the ‘toy’ rung up at $10.50.I said to my son, “That’s $10.50, so I don’t think we can get it this time.”He dutifully put it back, but he couldn’t hide his disappointment as he quietly put his face between my arm and chest. I sympathized with comfort to hide him there.
He was quiet on the way home. I said from the driver’s seat, “You did well to accept two disappointments.”He put his head on his knees. I stopped talking. It was time to be quiet.
I’ve been pondering the concept of disappointment for the last few months. My disappointments, I must concede, usually revolve around my purpose, and my purpose revolves around my vocation, my work, my employment contribution to society. Many people would give a lot to have had some of the jobs, roles, opportunities, and positions I’ve had, but I still feel I’m not quite where I want to be or feel called to be. As U2 sings it, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
This, for me, is as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, “… in order to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with him to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness.'”
Disappointment, however it’s framed, is a thorn in our flesh — it either crushes us because we despise and must deny or rail against that weakness, or we embrace the weakness and draw incredible, paradoxical strength. The strength, however, is a moment-by-moment strength, and only available when we accept our lot however hard it is.
We all HATE to be disappointed, and the more well-off we are, the more used to getting our own way we are, the more disappointment hits hard.
But if we can learn to accept disappointment — perhaps it’s because, “God’s got something better for me,” or “It’s meant to be, for some reason unknown to me” — the most satisfied and content we become.
The most prized possession on earth as it is in heaven is character, yet the world, and all of us as our default, shun character because character is unearthed in bitter disappointment, in loss, in pain that we must learn to accept.
If pain or loss or disappointment cannot get us down, if we refuse to give up when we don’t get our own way, when we can smile in our lonely being, nothing can defeat us.
This is the true Christian virtue: to be satisfied with nothing, to feel like we deserve nothing, to be entirely happy with our lot at any given point in time.
This is exactly the heart intent behind Paul’s words in Philippians 4:12, where he says he is content in both plenty and in want.
Christians are at a very great advantage in living the unfair life. Our Bibles remind us that this is the way life’s always been. If we accept it, we proper victoriously.
Sometimes, and this isn’t a rare thing, some of the best things are birthed right out of disappointment. It’s as if it’s a test for our hearts. If we meet the disappointment without having a tantrum, without suffering a negative attitude, without giving up or giving in, and are able to continue walking with our head held high and a smile on our dial, right around the corner at times is an unexpected blessing.
But, of course, we don’t do it for that, do we? We cannot bargain and hope to have the right to life on our terms, because that’s exactly the attitude that got us into trouble in the first place.
But it is a fact of life, that some of the best surprises come out of just having been disappointed, and despite all this, we responded well.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Tribework
Featured Image by Trần Toàn on Unsplash
