One of my favorite things to do is to go hang out at a local coffee shop to write. I have been known to drive 45 minutes one way to hang out, drink coffee, and write. It fuels me. And I always take advantage of the long drives to fill my own cup. I love listening to podcasts while in the car. Bethel Church is always a top pick for me.
So there I sat on a rainy September day in Texas. Which means it was only 85 instead of 95. And our very dry ground was having its thirst quenched for the first time in a long time. I myself had my thirst quenched this morning as well. A thirst for quiet reflection and time with Jesus. Okay, I am full of it. I thirst for coffee, guys, coffee. Here’s how my morning went down…
- Wake the Monkeys.
- Start Coffee (I prefer French press, but geez, it takes forever).
- Wake Monkeys again.
- Turn on all the lights and the news (still trying to wait for Monkeys AKA Children. I mean, you do know I don’t have monkeys, right?)
- Pour boiling water in coffee.
- Kids make their own breakfast (Can I get an amen for protein shakes and shaker cups!)
- I urge them to hurry it up.
- They look at me like I have 4 heads.
- My daughter gives me so much sass I think my 4 heads might explode. #reallife
- Son forgot backpack at his dad’s office.
- I call to ream Greg because Levi forgot his bag at his office (because, clearly, that’s his fault, right?)
- Greg says he will run bag home. I feel like a…we’ll just go with doofus.
- I finally get to drink coffee.
- Bag arrives. Kids in the car.
- Macy gives me more attitude. **Insert smoke coming out of my ears here**
- We pull out of the driveway.
At that moment, as we are pulling out of the driveway, I am feeling so defeated.
Have you ever been there?
My morning didn’t exactly start how I wished it would have. We were coming off a fabulous restful Labor Day weekend. Lots of Monopoly was played. Not by me, of course. Because I despise any board game that takes longer than half an hour to play. I have a very short attention span, my friends. However, the rest of my little family totally digs a good 6-hour game of Risk or Monopoly. Why? Because they are insane. That’s why. I ain’t doin’ it, y’all.
We even had some family come to stay for a quick but wonderful visit. My son, Levi, had his very first sleepover with a friend. He’s 11. So that’s why it’s a big deal. Guys, I am not that mom. I am not a mom who loves to host playdates or sleepovers. I avoid them like the plague for the most part. I can’t exactly pinpoint why. I just know it’s not my jam.
Stalking people at the coffee shop, however, is. Oh, how I love people watching. So one could say he was pretty P U M P E D to have his friend sleep over. By the way, if you can, I would suggest holding out on the sleepovers, too, until they are completely self-sufficient. It was pretty glorious to see those two hang out all weekend. Of course, we only saw them when they got hungry. And eventually, we did make them take a shower and put on a change of clothes. I mean, what kind of mom do you think I am? I am not a complete slacker. Oh, wait, yes, yes I am. And I am proud of it. High five if you’re a slacker mom too! Can we be friends?
I used to be that mom. The one who looked like she had it all together. You know what I mean, the quote, unquote Pinterest Mom. Now, I am just like that meme that floats around social media. I am the “Amazon Prime” Mom. Let’s just say I definitely do not have it all together.
As we roll up to the school, I start to pray our “School Drop Off Prayer.”
“Father, thank You for the rain. Thank You for getting us to school safely. I ask that You would release Your angels to come and stand guard around us…”
And in that moment, I knew our angels were with us. Not because we had asked for them to be released to us. But because they were already there with us. They hadn’t left us. Calm and Peace came over me.
“God sends angels with special orders to protect you wherever you go, defending you from all harm. If you walk into a trap, they’ll be there for you and keep you from stumbling. You’ll even walk unharmed among the fiercest powers of darkness, trampling every one of them beneath your feet!” Psalm 91:11-13, TPT
Does that not give you chills? I mean talk about a mic drop. Thank You, God!
“…We thank our angels for being here, and we honor them. I ask that they wrap us up so tightly that we can feel their wings wrapped around us. I pray for protection from any illness, injury, or accidents. I pray that nothing that is not good, nothing that isn’t of You, Father, can come into contact with them. I cover all of us in the Blood of Jesus. Amen.”
And then I kiss my children goodbye and wish them a wonderful day as they are scrambling to get out of the car door in the drop-off line.
I share this because I want you to know that you are not alone. Every day isn’t an ice-cream sundae with a cherry on top. Some days start off pretty sucky. And in those moments, I am not always the momma or role model that I want to be. And that is okay. It is. It really is. Our children need to know that there was only one perfect person who walked this earth. And it certainly was not their mother. It was Christ.
I am human. I screw up. I fail. On the daily. And that is okay. I always try and learn from the sucky moments. And sometimes, I do. Other times, it takes a little while for it to sink in. But it’s never too late to say I’m sorry. And it’s never too late to repent and ask for help. In those moments when I know I need divine wisdom, I crank up my praise and worship music. I just praise my Heavenly Father. I find solace there. I find peace and hope.
That Still Small Voice
As I am listening and praising on my drive home, I hear that still, small voice say, “Aren’t you going to call and apologize.”
Ha! Ha! God has a sense of humor, guys. He gets me every time. He knows that saying “I am sorry” is not my forte. Is it anyone’s, really? If it’s yours, I would personally like to shake your hand and tell you how awesome you are! Like, fo’ reals. You Da Bomb. So reluctantly, I pushed the button on my home screen in my car to call Greg. I wanted to say I am sorry, but…(fill this in with all the excuses that made it OKAY for me to react the way I did about a backpack) Hint: None of them were okay enough. And so fighting all the human tendencies to halfway apologize, I said…
“I am sorry. I should not have taken my morning out on you.”
Greg was so gracious and accepted my apology without a second word or thought.
Man, I am thankful for the Holy Spirit and His oh-so-sweet way of nudging me to do the right thing. Even when I really don’t want to. And I am really thankful for grace. Even when I mess up majorly, all I have to do is repent, and the board gets wiped completely clean. Like it never existed.
How freaking cool is that?
“And now out of his fullness we are fulfilled! And from him we receive grace heaped upon more grace.” John 1:16, TPT
Grace upon grace upon grace…
As I am typing this, a song comes on my shuffled music, Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace). And that, my friends, is no coincidence. I may or may not have praise hands raised in the coffee shop right now. I’ll let you guess.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on rebekadoesitblog.com
Featured Image by Kat Stokes