I didn’t know I was aiming for perfection when I first laid eyes on the swaddled baby girl in the pink and blue hospital cap. She was beautiful, and I couldn’t wait to teach her everything I knew about God and life. In that precious moment, feeling like a failure as a mom was the last thought on my mind.
I wanted to be everything she could ever need in a mom. I wanted to be the perfect mom, and I was pretty sure I could follow all the rules and pull it off.
Most moms know all about the ideals of early motherhood. You look at your sweet little bundle, and you want to be the best mom in the world. But then before you know it, you have a whole handful of little ones running circles around the house.
You haven’t had thirty quiet seconds in six years.
You forget what it’s like to sit down for a meal and enjoy the use of both your hands.
The ideals slip out the window, and you wonder if you’re failing your kids.
For the Woman Who Is Feeling Like a Failure As a Mom
You wanted to be perfect, or at least significantly better than this. But here you are. You’re locked behind the bathroom door again, rocking the baby in his car seat while the shower runs. Silently, you pray the oldest can’t hear your sobs.
Maybe you’re driving to the same brick building where they’re holding your grown child behind bars. You wonder if you fell short where it mattered most.
Perhaps the school just called for the third time of the week to tell you your child is having another “bad day.”
I haven’t lived out every one of these scenarios. But one thing I know: My mothering is not the picture of composure and poise I expected from myself.
I’m not always the affirming diplomat, the neatly clad Betty Crocker mom with a platter of cookies and milk, or the encouraging cheerleader who always says the right things and never lets her emotions get in the way.
I’ve also been known to beat myself up for failure as a mom when my kids mess up. My kids make mistakes, fall short, or don’t live up to my expectations, and I wonder if it’s my fault.
A few months ago, a friend spoke these words, and they touched me in a powerful way: Jesus is the perfect Father, and yet his children are not perfect.
If Jesus, the perfect Father, can love and raise imperfect children, why do I, in all my imperfection, expect to raise children who never make big mistakes?
If Jesus, the perfect Father, can love and raise imperfect children, why do I, in all my imperfection, expect to raise children who never make big mistakes?
Slowly, I’m learning to release control of the outcomes in my kids’ lives. These children are mine to steward, but they are not mine to control. There’s a big difference between stewardship and control.
I steward my kids when I remember they belong to God. I do the best I can, and I don’t expect any of us to be perfect. Stewardship leaves the outcomes in God’s hands.
Unfortunately, I often tend to lean toward a desire to control my kids. I want pleasant outcomes and happy endings to every story we write as a family. But I’m learning to parent in a way that puts forth a solid effort and leaves the outcomes to God.
I’m also learning to embrace my imperfections and weaknesses as a mom.
The Truth About Your Imperfections and Weaknesses:
Something beautiful happens when I draw close to God with my weaknesses. When I let my weaknesses lead me closer to the all-sufficient power of God, he shows up and pours grace upon us all in the most imperfect moments.
Did you want to be perfect at this high calling of motherhood?
Let this truth sink into the deepest part of you: You don’t have to be perfect for your kids to fulfill God’s plan for their lives.
Jesus is big enough to guide your kids and lead them back to the straight and narrow path in his timing.
Your role is to steward the gift of your children and try to point your kids to Jesus. He is in charge of the outcomes.
When You’re Feeling Like a Failure As a Mom, You Can Still Do These Things:
Your role is to be the living demonstration of God’s love – to the best of your ability. You won’t be perfect, but you can do these things:
Remember that one day, these little ones might be your very best friends in the world. They might be your caretakers and your companions. They might be the ones you call at the end of the day just to talk through the little daily events of life. Discipline them. Be the parent now. But try to do it without degrading them. You’re in the process of creating someone’s best friend – maybe your own.
Be firm, but offer second chances.
Believe in them and tell them you believe in them.
Write notes by bedsides and in lunchboxes and shove them in gym bags.
Hug them.
Create space to simply “be,” to speak openly without hurry or obligation.
Don’t turn your back on them, even when you disagree with the decisions they’re making. This is when they need you most.
Show up for their important events, especially when it requires sacrifice on your part.
And finally, love as well as you can, and apologize when you fail. You won’t be perfect, but God’s grace is big enough to use your imperfections for his glory in your kids’ lives.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Stacey Pardoe
Featured Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay
