36 Years Old and Still Barren

Many have asked if I have been dreading this day or if I am bummed to be another year older while still trying to fulfill a dream.

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On my last birthday, I turned the big 3-6 (a baby to some…old to others). And I can’t believe it. Never in my plans as a high school student, college student, or career woman in my middle 20’s did I imagine life would look like it does now. Is my life bad? No. But does it look anything like what I thought it would at this age? NOT. AT. ALL.

And if I were honest, sometimes I sit in disbelief when I think about it. I just can’t believe nine years ago, when my husband and I started trying to grow our family, that we would still be trying. But you know? It’s okay.

No, really it is.

However, I realize that for someone in my same shoes, it’s hard to believe I would be okay about it. In fact, many have asked if I have been dreading this day or if I am bummed to be another year older while still trying to fulfill a dream I thought would have been fulfilled years ago; and truthfully, my answer is no. No, I am not bummed. Nor have I been dreading this day of turning another year older. Don’t get me wrong, if I think about my age and how my “biological clock,” which seems to be ticking (at least according to doctors) louder this year than last, then yes; my heart can fill with fear and worry. But I don’t choose to park my mind on my age or the time that has passed. Or the amount of time many people have told me I have left.

You see, I read a quote once that said “age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind then it doesn’t matter.” Far too many times we let age matter. We worship it. We put it above the power and grace of God. We let it dictate our thoughts and feelings. We let it tell us what we can or can’t do. Pursue or leave behind. But this only happens if we give it the power to do so. Friend, I don’t know why you stumbled upon this article today, but if age is bothering you and all you can hear is your clock ticking, stop for a brief moment and, instead, listen to the heart of our Father. Listen to what He says in Isaiah 60:22 TPT, “…I am God. At the right time, I’ll make it happen.”

The truth is, He can accomplish whatever He needs to do instantly. So, while it might look like nothing will happen today, look out! Tomorrow might be different. Or next year on your birthday you might be rockin’ a baby bump or signing papers for adoption. That dream job you never thought you would have could be yours! But guess what else? While you might also think time has been or is being lost, He can also give back and restore those precious moments as well.

You see, money can be restored. Property can be restored—broken-down cars, stripped paint, old houses. Even relationships can be restored. But one thing that can never be restored is time. Time flies and it does not return. Years pass and we never get them back. Yet not with God. God promises the impossible when he declares in Joel 2:25 AKJV, “I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten…”

The immediate meaning of this promise is clear. God’s people during this time had suffered the complete destruction of their entire harvest through swarms of locusts that marched like an insect army through the fields and destroyed the crops. In fact, for four long and consecutive years, the harvest was completely wiped out, bringing them to their knees in desperation. But “the Lord became jealous for his land and had pity on his people” and therefore declared their fields would yield an abundance that would make up for what had been lost. This wonderful promise for those people meant that years of abundant harvests would follow the years of desolation brought about by the locusts.

And the good news is this: God has also put this promise in the Bible for us today.

Friend, if you remember nothing else today, remember this: God is not bound by time, nor is He bound by the calendar, nor is He restricted by our age. We are. And we need to loosen ourselves in order to break free from the anxiety, worry, and fear it causes. If not, it will weigh us down and make special days, like birthdays, miserable.

On another note….

For a little fun, how about a throwback picture to that one birthday when I received a disc man, flip-up sunglasses, skates, and all of the protective gear…oof!

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on waitingforbabybird.com.

Featured Image by Nicolas Schebitz

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About the Author

My mission is to provide hope and encouragement in the midst of those walking the path of infertility, miscarriage, and pregnancy loss. My purpose is also to not just encourage those in the waiting but to also have them believe in the impossible.