It’s so easy to be connected when you first start off in marriage. In the beginning, you’re in a season of being totally into each other. You have all the time in the world for the two of you, you’re both invested in each other’s interests, going on dates is relatively effortless, and you’re probably young and filled with energy—boy, do I miss those days!
But, let’s be real, things are always a lot easier when your plates aren’t as full and you’re able to run high on those endorphins provided by young love.
A little bit later on, as you get a few years into marriage, those things get a little more difficult. You have busy work schedules, perhaps a kid or two, you have more bills, and married life becomes more about running on a schedule than it does having the freedom to do all the things you once did before.
If you’ve found yourself a little disconnected, don’t get alarmed, it happens to the best of us—truly, it does. But no worries, we’ve got some things you can do to help.
Re-establish a Friendship—You’d be surprised how foundational a friendship is in marriage. In fact, in several surveys, when happily married, long term couples are asked what the secret is to their success, the number one answer from both husbands and wives is, “my spouse is my best friend.”
It’s true, being friends in your marriage greatly increases your ability to forgive one another, to give more grace, and to believe your spouse has good intentions, even when they do mess up. These kinds of actions and attitudes that make up a marital friendship also increase your ability and desire to repair the things that may be broken in your relationship. The reality is, you’re much more likely to work on a marriage when you’re married to someone you actually like and are friends with.
Next, Lean into One Another—Talk about the hard stuff and develop an attitude of resiliency. Don’t ignore problems just because it feels easier in the short term. Over time, those problems multiply and bring their friends. If you learn to address concerns when they come up, they won’t turn into heavy clouds of dread hanging over your marriage—and, you just might start seeing and believing, that together, you actually can-do hard things.
When you start avoiding problems, by default, you also begin avoiding one another. At that point you won’t only be not connecting, you’ll actually be actively disconnecting.
Lastly, Keep God in the Center—This is the most foundational part of your marriage. It’s hard to play a game when you don’t know the rules or understand how to win. There is no one more for your marriage than God is—and He is the One who knows the recipe for success. He knows how to get a big win for your marriage—so why in the world would we all not follow His guidance? And, not only will His way grow and reconnect your marriage, but it will also grow you as individuals. Keeping Him in the center is a win all around!
So, what are you waiting for? Get started on your journey back to one another today!
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on expeditionmarriage.org/
Featured Image by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
